I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
