I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
