if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
