I puked a lego.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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