Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize