my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
