It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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