I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
