highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
