my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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