well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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