I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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