Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
