Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
