i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
