my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
