Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
