I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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