I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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