that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Found the puke drawer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
