I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
