The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
