I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
