There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
