I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
