i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
