When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You left your phone here
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