Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
