I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
