omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
