Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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