Soap is not a condiment
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
