I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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