I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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