Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they're like a gay fantastic four
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
