Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
