God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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