Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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