As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize