Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
