I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
