I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
