I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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