Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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