isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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