i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
