Will you blow on my dice?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
