im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
