Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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