Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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