a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
