I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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