I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
