I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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