I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
