I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize