I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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