Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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