I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
