we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
