I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i drank out of a bidet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
