I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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