you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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