i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
