I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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