that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pooping to opera.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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