I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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