seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
