he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize