Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
