He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
