Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
