It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
