i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
