i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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