U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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