i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
