Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
