Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
