Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
