he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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