Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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