I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
