We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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