His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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